Are you asking questions you don’t want answered?

Last week, I had a hotel experience that reinforced something I have spoken about many times.

At checkout, the receptionist asked, “How was your stay?”. As I looked up to answer, I realised he was still focused on his keyboard and computer. He did not pause. He did not look at me. He was not listening for my response.

The question had been asked, but the interaction had not really happened. And customers notice...

A question such as “How was your stay?” appears warm and welcoming. But when it is delivered automatically, without attention or curiosity, it becomes a performance of care rather than care itself.

Danny Meyer, the restaurateur behind Union Square Hospitality Group and Shake Shack, has made a similar point about the familiar service question, “How is everything?”. He describes it as a dishonest question when the person asking has no genuine interest in hearing the answer.

He goes onto point out it invites a dishonest. And when your interaction is built on dishonest, you have a problem. 

Customers are highly capable of detecting the gap between a scripted phrase and authentic attention. They notice when an employee:
- Asks a question while looking at a screen.
- Interrupts before they have finished speaking.
- Uses a friendly phrase without changing their behaviour.
- Moves immediately to the next transaction.
- Appears more focused on process completion than the person in front of them.

The words may sound hospitable, but the experience feels transactional.

I recently shared this idea in a keynote. Afterwards, one delegate told me about an experience in a shop.

A customer walked in and the attendant asked, “How are you?”. The customer, who had moved to Australia from England, replied: “When I first moved to Australia, I thought people were lovely and really cared. But I realised you don’t care. You have no interest in what my answer is going to be.”

It was a striking observation because it captures what many customers experience, but don't always articulate.

A casual greeting can initially create the impression of warmth. But if the employee does not make space for a response, the customer eventually learns that the words are merely ritual.

This is not an argument against asking questions. It is an argument for asking better questions, and being prepared to listen.

​Next time your staff ask a question, consider if they are doing the below three things: 
​1. **Pause.** Stop typing or put down the task for a moment.
2. **Look.** Make appropriate eye contact and acknowledge the person.
3. **Listen.** Allow the customer to finish before responding.